The Truth about "Chocolate Squirrels"

It's taken me months to finally set up a blog because I know myself well enough to think I probably won't do a good job posting to it. But a week ago, I offically created my blog page. And ever since, I've been trying to think of something brilliant to post for my first-ever blog post. But brilliance eluded me -- and it continues to do so.

Therefore, because food is such an easy topic for me to discuss, you get to read about the cookies I made yesterday.

...They look like chocolate oatmeal no-bakes...but they're not. They're different. They're Les écureuils au chocolat.

I can be honest. I have this serious, serious problem. I like experimenting with food. Usually I pass under the radar - no one would ever know what they're eating isn't normal. But this time?

First, some background... chemically speaking, normal sugar we Americans consume - sucrose - is a chemical compound of glucose and fructose. Glucose is half as sweet as sucrose, and fructose is twice as sweet. I like to cook with fructose because I can use half as much sugar for the same sweetness. And, it's not a fake sweetener. It's honest to goodness sugar from fruit. Just isolate it, and -voila!- you've got a granulated sugar that looks like normal sucrose sugar, but is twice as powerful.

Why I knew deep down I was set up for disaster (even though I did it anyway):
The base for chocolate no-bakes is, basically, fudge. Fudge is candy. And candy is finicky. It's hard to make. Candymaking is an art and a science. And it slightly terrifies me because if you make a mistake, chances are good the candy won't turn out like it's supposed to. And, of course, sugar is one of the key elements that makes candy what it is -- the texture, the hardness. All the science is in the sugar.

And I messed with it.

Instead of sucrose sugar, I used half as much fructose. And it was going really well - smooth, chocolately, fudgy as always. I thought I had gotten away with it.

Yeah... then I stirred in the peanut butter and vanilla. And the whole thing fell apart. Literally. It was still the color of dark chocolate, but gone was the smooth fudgy texture. It looked sort of curdled. And then... just to add insult to injury... the whey separated out.

I braved tasting it. It tasted normal -- great, in fact. And it smelled normal. I proceeded...

I added the oats. The final step. (It didn't occur to me until after I added all the oats that... I cut the amount of sugar in half. A 28.5% volume decrease of the total fudge volume. Therefore, it would have made the most sense to decrease the amount of oats by at least 25%. Unthinkingly, I added it all. But I digress.)

Two things I have learned.

1. Oats absorb the whey that separates out, making the finished cookie slightly gooey-chewy.


2. Fudge made with half as much sugar by volume as it really needs does not set up without the assistance of the freezer.

So...other than being a little more oats and less fudge -- and significantly less sugar -- than my usual rendition of no-bakes, these cookies almost looked like no-bakes. But the texture... it just wasn't holding up. (literally!) Of course I made the cookies to bring to a party. And I didn't have time to start over. And I didn't want people to think they were no-bakes because they might get their hopes up and then be disappointed.

The naming.
With the help of my roommate, Jenny, I tested several names. Chocolate Blobs. Chocolate Granola-ie Blobs. Chocolatey Granola. Dog Piles. (We were, after all, going to a superbowl party... :) )

"You, know," I say, "we could always use French and call them les écureuils au chocolat."
"It's perfect!" Jenny says, laughing. "What does that mean?"
"Uh..." I hesitate, "Chocolate Squirrels."

Lots of laughing.

But for better or worse the name stuck. And after some quality time in the freezer, so did the fudge-and-oat-blobs we were calling cookies. We brought them to the party.

"Oh, chocolate no-bakes!!" says an unsuspecting guest as soon as we walk in. Just what I was afraid of.

"No, no, these are Chocolate Squirrels," I reply convincingly. (Jenny is behind me snickering -- which doesn't help when you're trying to be convincing.)

You should have seen the look on the lady's face. "Chocolate... squirrels..?" she repeats doubtfully, making sure she heard me right.

"Yep."

But, hey, they tasted good. And, seriously, since they had half as much sugar as the real thing, that would make them some of the best-tasting "reduced-calorie" cookies I've ever had in my life.